Thursday, August 6, 2009

"The Easter Bunny Does My Homework"

When I have a kid I have decided that I am going to send this child birthday cards from Santa. Every year the kid will get $20 on his birthday from Santa Claus. This way he will feel extra special. Kids will be like "Santa gave you a birthday card? I never hear from Santa unless it's Christmas!". Then, when he turns 15, I'll get him a blow job from the "Tooth Fairy". He'll be like "I'm telling you guys, the Tooth Fairy's a real slut." Of course his 15 year old friends will think he's insane but, with confidence like his, insanity will only make him more colorful.

SIDEBAR: Remember those stories where fathers would buy their kids prostitutes? You never hear about that anymore. Old people were weird. Every old man has a gangbang/running a train story too. I feel like the '50's were probably awesome.

The Personals Section

Looking for a a thespian, equestrian, loquacious, part-time lesbian. Should know about a sybian and love the band Kasabian. A dead again, born again, who loves the booze and porn again. She's run amok, don't give a fuck, but coulda had some better luck. She always up, she's always down, she really wants to leave this town. Must have car or live near a bar (‘cause I don’t wanna walk too far).