When I have a kid I have decided that I am going to send this child birthday cards from Santa. Every year the kid will get $20 on his birthday from Santa Claus. This way he will feel extra special. Kids will be like "Santa gave you a birthday card? I never hear from Santa unless it's Christmas!". Then, when he turns 15, I'll get him a blow job from the "Tooth Fairy". He'll be like "I'm telling you guys, the Tooth Fairy's a real slut." Of course his 15 year old friends will think he's insane but, with confidence like his, insanity will only make him more colorful.
SIDEBAR: Remember those stories where fathers would buy their kids prostitutes? You never hear about that anymore. Old people were weird. Every old man has a gangbang/running a train story too. I feel like the '50's were probably awesome.
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